Film star Zsa Zsa Gabor, said that 9 marriages had taught her a great deal about housekeeping. She said, “Every time I get divorced I keep the house.”
Her comment might make us chuckle, but sadly, divorce is not in the least bit funny.
Having been a child of divorce I know that it may be one of the most harmful things we can ever experience.
And yet our culture sends us this frivolous message, “If you’re not happy, then move on,” without warning us of the pain involved.
It’s a lie. Divorce may not be the best solution to an unhappy marriage; divorce can be the beginning of a whole new set of problems.
And what concerns me is the number of people who want to call it quits. Just like that. They’ve fallen out of love and want out. I’m not sure they have truly weighed up all the ramifications.
Consider what you’ll give up when you give up on each other
One of the saddest reasons a marriage dies is that neither spouse recognises its value until it’s too late. It’s only after the papers are signed, the furniture divided, that the exes realise how much they really gave up when they gave up on each other.
So let me take a moment and share some of these facts about what happens after divorce:
Life will change more than you ever realise.
If you have children, you will never really be fully apart. Your lives will be forever inextricably entwined and you will still have to find ways to relate, to communicate, solve problems together.
Dividing assets isn’t always equitable. You will lose so much financially and often find you have to settle for a much lower standard of living.
Instead of two people parenting your children, if you have custody, you become breadwinner, spiritual advisor and disciplinarian, all in one.
Stress levels become staggering. And the hassles don’t end when your children grow up and marry, they continue with your grandchildren.
Life won’t be more carefree: Every birthday, holiday, wedding or funeral is a potential nightmare. Emotional wounds pop open when you least expect.
It affects more than just you. Friends who don’t want to pick sides distance themselves. Relationships with those who remain loyal – change. Family members who loved and cared for your ex are forced to “divorce” as well.
Blending children from previous marriages brings problems. Life can be more complicated than ever.
If we don’t carefully weigh up these real unseen consequences we can let our desire to escape our current problems pull us from God’s best.
The real solution is to commit to doing the work it takes to turn short-term pain into long-term gain.
Considering Divorce? I say hang in there. Don’t quit. Instead do something dramatically different and change the trajectory of your marriage. Maybe read “Before the last Resort” or even better consider joining us for a Weekend To Remember couples getaway and learn how to have a marriage that goes the distance,